Thursday, May 31, 2012

Not enough and okay with it....... well trying to be :0)

     Since  I have had Mercy it has become abundantly clear that I am not sufficient to be a mom to these children. I mean lets face it becoming a mother brings every character flaw you've ever had into the blinding light of day. I do not have the patience to teach my three year old, potty train my two year old and give all the love a five month old needs. Add in a husband, household, garden and blogging and forget it!

  I have those in my life who totally support me and constantly tell me what a great job I am doing. To those I think, Ha if you only knew how incompetent I really am you wouldn't say that. Then I have others who are constantly "helping" by pinning up pants i put on the kids that may be a little big. Asking if I ever give them water when there is milk in their cups or milk when there is water in there. Why don't I give them juice?

     Then there are those that show up unannounced and find reasons to go to every room in my house and comment on what is done and not done. Yes they really do, just ask my husband. Everyday I think man I have to get this floor swept or Oh No! the laundry is out in the living room waiting to be put away. There is a sink full of dishes in there and the table isn't wiped down from breakfast. What if someone shows up and sees just how crappy I am at this mom, wife, homemaker thing.
     The women in my family are housekeeping wizards! At a great-great aunts funeral the pastor actually said well if there was a messy corner in heaven its clean now! She was the only woman that I can honestly say I would eat off her front porch! Are you kidding me?! Where did that gene go when God was building my DNA? I can't even keep the table a place to eat most days.

     So recently and by recently I mean today. I began thinking after I had a on my knees cry out to Jesus moment. Why do these people bother me? Those that support me know that what good comes out of me is from God. Those that say I'm not enough even if only through their action are right. I am not enough not nearly.  Why can't I be secure in that fact? I am no less because I have to go DAILY sometimes hourly to the cross to get the strength to make it through the day.

     Here is why I think I feel the way I do and why you might also. How many times do you see pinterest boards of a perfect life? How often do you decide someone is the perfect mom because you see their kids all done up for church? Or the perfect housekeeper because when you come have dinner with them the house is pristine, so pristine that it could just never look any other way? How often do you think I am just not fun enough when you see someone post a craft they've done with their kids, not realizing its not like they do this every day.

     There are times when life is just plain hard. Not everything can get done that needs to be done. There is also the trap (yes I have fallen into it more than I can count) of being those people that tear someone down because someone struggles with an area God may have blessed you in.Whether it be cleaning, parenting, wifedom whatever. I think we do it to just feel a moments peace. Peace from the constant inner panic we feel at the massiveness of our call as women.We women put so much pressure on each other to compete to be the best and not show weakness. This is divisive and hurtful but most of all this is not biblical.

Tit 2:3The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Tit 2:4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Pro 31:25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Pro 31:26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
      We as women need to stick together. We should support each other.We should avoid comparing ourselves to others. If you are further along in one aspect of life encourage a younger woman in that area. Learn to live securely in the fact that we are not enough, we are not perfect and there is only one who is.

     So as God works on my character I am going to try and remember  I don't have to be perfect. Someone has already done that and He is the one I learn from. When things overwhelm me I will take them one day at a time, Eventually I will be transformed in the twinkling of an eye into perfection and today is really not a long time to wait. And the next opportunity God grants me to lift up another mama and tell her how special she is I will do it joyfully. In birth, in motherhood, in child training, in homemaking, or wifedom. Where ever I can serve I will. Thank you to those in my life who edify me and teach me from a Godly perspective.

     So tomorrow is another day. When I have cleaned up pee for the fifth time, answered the sixtieth question my three year old asked in a minute and put things on hold to love on my crying baby, I will breath, I will pray and I will rest securely in the fact that I am not enough.


1 comment:

  1. All I can say is AMEN, and thank you. As I sit on this job site with all my little ones, with a messy house, and a messy life, I often wonder what in the world I'm doing. I am having a difficult day, and the Lord has brought me comfort through your transparency. Thank you sister. You are a blessing. :)