I became pregnant for the first time in early 2008 with my son Conner. Like most women I set out to find the perfect OB one who came highly recommended and had recently been written about in the paper for being one of the top OB's in north Texas. I went to all my appointments, watched my diet, got the daily emails telling me exactly how my baby was growing and waited. I read everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and watched birth videos but didnt think much about what actually happened during labor. I thought well I will be in the hospital in the hands of professionals who will guide me through my birth. Right??
I was due December 22nd and as my due date approached my OB began hinting at induction, then began the talk of you are a small person and the baby is getting bigger if it doesn't come before your due date we will have to induce or possibly do a c-section. Keep in mind he was going on Christmas vacation the 20th. I told him how much I wanted a natural birth and what he suggested to achieve that. Never once did he suggest I take birthing classes or give me any resources for info. Instead, he suggested I tour the hospital to help relieve the fear of the unknown and that we would just have to wait and see. This is where I failed myself and my son. I believed that the best thing I could do was trust someone else (Doctor or not) with my birth. Someone who knew my bodies abilities better than I did. Whether I knew it or not I was saying well right or wrong he's a doctor and if something goes wrong it is on him.
Then comes December 18th. I began having contractions at 11:30pm a minute long every five minutes. They came on so hard and strong and they were the required five minutes apart so I called and the nurse said to go in and be checked. Of course they sent me home with some meds to help me sleep. I was in a panic the pain was horrible, and I lived 45 minutes away from the hospital. I felt abandoned and didn't understand what was going on. HA! I wanted a natural birth what was I thinking? I went on like this till late the next morning and we went in again. I was no further along and crying I told them I was not leaving because I WAS in labor and couldn't deal with another car ride having contractions. The nurse with tears in her eyes whispered to me, "Honey you are in labor, you are doing great! Don't leave just walk the hospital for an hour and come back to me." When she told me that I let go of some of my fear and panic which was good. But as I began to feel justified the contractions became much harder, more than I could bare. I came back in an hour and had progressed to a forced two. It was nothing in my mind to the work I was doing and felt like I was completely failing and weak, that I could'nt handle the pain AT ALL! Later I would learn of the fear pain cycle.
Being 2cm was enough to admit me and get an epidural which I was begging for. This was the first of a long list of interventions. Once I had the epidural within minutes I was a four. My OB who was on call, came in and said," well the good news is your gonna have a baby! The bad news is I'm leaving for vaction. I am going to break your water and see if we can speed this along." He did not ask my permission he just did it. The nurse simultaneously was preparing to give me pitocin which no one even told me I was getting until after they gave it to me.
The doctor left the room and the nurses prepared, read the papers coming out of the machines and talked amongst themselves. In just a few minutes I felt this overwhelming urge to push and with everything I had I tried to fight it because I had heard it was bad to push to soon. My body didnt listen and my water was gushing as I involuntarily pushed. I asked the nurse, "Is it okay to PUUUUUUSH?" She informed me it wasnt time yet and as she glanced down checking me let the other nurse know I was complete! A ten in just a few minutes and let me know it was fine to push. I only pushed a few times and they were telling me, "We can see his hair! He has sooo much hair. I remember my husband saying we were only in the room about two hours after the epidural. Which means my actual push time was much less.
At the shift change another doctor from my OB's office comes in looks at me and says this baby is not coming we are going to have to section. I dont know why we didnt question this. In the moment and in my ignorance I defeatedly agreed trying to act like it was fine. We were taken into the OR and my son was born. He was 9lbs 15oz. No gestational diabetes he was just a prayer answered for a big strong boy that I had prayed from God for years. I instantly loved him and knew his every need before he did. The medicine made me shake and burn and I was miserable and yet the whole world was perfect at that moment. I still knew in my heart I had missed out on something amazing.
I was diagnosed in my chart as FTP due to CPD which is failure to progress due to Cephalopelvic Disproportion. My doctor told me later that my body and frame just wasnt built to expand for the baby to pass through my pelvis in labor. And I believed him.